My stomach is not a waist basket

Oh... how the mighty have fallen! Yup, I fell off the wagon. Folded like a cheap deck of cards. Dug my own grave. Went to hell in a hand basket. Crashed and burned. Went down in flames. Dropped the ball.

Can't get all bent out of shape. No time to get all hot under the collar. Shit bricks. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill. Throw out the baby with the bath water. Scream blue bloody murder. Run home to momma. Toss my hat into the ring.

Time to face the music. Turn over a new leaf. Gotta get the show on the road. Can't drag my feet. Gotta get back on the horse. Get down to brass tacks. Go back to the drawing board. Get with the program. Go back to square one. Get my ducks in a row. Dust myself off. Drum up support. Get back on my feet. Go full tilt. Put a little elbow grease into it. Grab the bull by the horns. Gotta hit the ground running and go the extra mile.

What?!? Idiomatic nonsense not good enough for ya? You need the dirty, nitty gritty. The real scoop?

Fine... I had the kids home for Spring Break and the family for Easter. I got cocky (and not in the good sense). I slacked off on the tracking and the exercise. I compounded my dropped routines by re-introducing some old yummies which, I assured myself I could handle. Bang! I got trigger happy.

I kept busy, messing about outside with the kids. Made some lovely, healthy meals during the day, but reverted to the lazy, sloppy me time eating when the kiddies were safely tucked away in bed.

What was the moment when I knew it had all gone too far? No, it wasn't the day when I sincerely said to myself that it's sooo convenient that Superstore thought to package a single serving of their Loads of Cherry and Dark Chocolate Chip ice cream in a thick 2 litre container (did you know that you can eat the whole thing without it melting through the packaging and making a huge mess!).

I think the turning point was when my man looked on with curious horror as I lay in bed eating Sour Cream and Bacon chips from a big bag, licking the seasoning off the chips before crunching each one down and smacking my lips (you know the scene... I was deep cleavage diving for the crumbs that had fallen astray). That was the moment that a spark was lit. What really fueled the fire was still to come...

You see, I'm not really a chip person. They're good in a gross way (unlike ice cream, which is good in a multiple orgasm way). So, after noticing my man's train wreck fascination with my chip orgy, I smugly got out of bed, rolled up the remaining 2/3s of the package and stuffed it in the kitchen garbage. I proudly strutted back into the bedroom and announced that I had allowed myself to get distracted from the things that actually make me feel healthy and strong and that I felt refocused and was looking forward to a fresh start in the morning.

Like the phenomenon that my man always is, he snuggled me in and whispered "let me know if there is anything I can do to help." This, of course, only made my moment of reckoning all the more embarrassing. You see, the next day I had already decided for myself that it was pathetic to be sitting on the floor in front of the garbage can eating the chips that I had turfed mere hours ago. I had already had my epiphany that this was not the life I wanted, and was about to stand up and dump the chips down the garburator. Honest! To look up and see my man watching me was, alas, the universe's way of providing the hurricane I needed to fan my flames and set my renewed resolve into a five alarm fire.

What did my hedonistic debauchery cost me? A gain of a few pounds, a loss of momentum, some angst and tears, and a week of sleepless nights (indigestion, no doubt!). All valuable lessons...none of which I want to repeat!

It's great to be back in the saddle!!! I'm celebrating this weekend by hiking up a storm.

Recipe for Health - part 1

So, a few of you have contacted me and have asked the magic pill question. Why is it that you are "doing the same things" that I am, but you are "only losing a pound here or there" or "losing and gaining the same 5 pounds?" I don't know, but I understand that it can be bloody frustrating. Remember, if you're tracking well you can take your journal to your doctor and get professional advice.

What am I doing to lose weight? Nope, no magic pill (unless you count my daily salmon oil supplement). You asked, so I'm gonna be honest...

Specifically, I am:

1. Focusing on living a healthy life and viewing weight loss as a lovely side effect of those choices


2. Tracking/writing down everything I eat in a day to ensure that I am consuming no more that my daily points/calorie allowance


3. Controlling my portion sizes by counting points/calories at each meal


4. Controlling my portion sizes by measuring and weighing my foods


5. Tracking my servings of protein, carbs, veg, fruits, milk to ensure I meet the daily Canada Food Guide suggestions


6. Tracking that 90 percent of my intake is from high quality calories (complex carbs, lean protein, non-refined sugars (ie. fruit), etc.)


7. Drinking water to stay hydrated


8. Eating a variety of fresh foods and trying out new healthy recipes


9. Including 'treats' in my daily points/calorie count (a few squares of dark chocolate, sorbet, etc)


10. Avoiding all sweeteners and most processed foods


11. Planning and prepping foods to ensure easy life style choices


12. Participating in a variety of sweaty activities for a minimum of 210 minutes each week


13. Answering my Little Rat Bastard negative nagging voice every time with a positive, realistic message


14. Reflecting regularly on how things are going and rewarding my efforts


15. Keeping things around me that remind me of why I needed so desperately to make these changes (ie. I keep a backpack full of the weight I have lost to date, I journal, I've kept my biggest fat pants, photos, etc)


16. Asking for help when I need it


17. Practicing patience


18. Living as a healthy person now, not "when I reach my goal"


19. Doing all of these things consistently, on a daily basis

I'm doing what my doctor suggested... following the Canada Food Guide recommendations and surrounding myself with encouragement. I joined Weight Watchers for support and my skinny man eats maintenance points with me to understand my process and to encourage me.

As I have mentioned before, some of these choices came easily for me. I already was passionate about vegetables, fruits, skim milk, whole grains, nuts, etc. before... so passionate, in fact, that I ate a hell of a lot more of them than I should have. Add a passion for chocolate, ice cream and cheese and you've got a deadly combination, literally.

As for the processed foods... for me, this is about health. Processed foods are full of salt, fillers and chemicals and I avoid them to a great extent. As for sweeteners... do your own reading and you decide. They are not for me. Cooking from scratch is time consuming and can be more expensive... two things that I have decided to budget for.

That's the basics... but, yes there is more to it. Like everything else, we all know that it matters how consistently and well you do something. Part II of this Recipe for Health entry will be about the changes I have made to how I think about my life and choices.

Week 4 Stats

Week Four Stats
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 39
Height: 5'6"
Starting Weight: 317.6lbs
Current Weight: 300.2lbs
Calories/day: 1600-1850 (32-37 points)
Calorie average this week: 1600 (32 points)
Exercise: 2 mile walking DVD, 1 hour aquaboxing, 1 hour aquakarate, 2.5 hours drumming
Week 4: -1.0 lb!
Total Lost: 17.4 lbs!!

Ooooooooo, I am so close to being under 300!!! I was really pleased with my results this week. It was my birthday week and my family were terrific at listening to what I needed. We had delicious, healthy Vietnamese soup for my bday dinner and angel food cake with berries for dessert. Yummo!

As for the rest of the week, it was weird. For one thing, I was involved in a car accident. As I pulled out from Saskatchewan Drive to do a left turn, the guy in a pick-up truck behind me decided that he was too busy and important to wait his turn. He pulled along side me and shadowed me as I turned, and... was hit by the oncoming car. I saw him doing it and accelerated fast to get away from what I knew was going to turn into an accident. Then, I slammed on the brakes to stop myself from smashing into the car in front of me. I missed being hit by about a millimeter! So, my car is fine but I am quite sore down my left side from the jerking around. My neck is getting better, but my left thigh is killing me. I have decided to tell people that it's a sports injury... sounds more glamorous, and damn it... I've been exercising my butt off (literally).

The other thing that threw me was that I was given an awesome bday present from my man... a trip to Vancouver to see my darlin' best friend. I was gutted to find that when I opened the envelope, I was struck by horrid anxious butterflies. While I have taken 7 long international flights in the past couple of years, I have always been with my family.

Airplane seats are always too small. I ooze over the arm rest, and under the arm rest, like too much sausage coming out of its casing. I've only once had an issue with having to ask for the seat belt extender, although my belt is always extended to the max. The tray table never folds flat over my lap, and plugging in the earphones and using the dials on the arm rests is not always possible. As for the airplane bathrooms... let's just say that I would never book a flight that comes earlier than my morning constitutional!

I have always been able to make my flights bearable by sitting next to one of my daughters. This, of course, brings me to:

My Reason of the Week
For Wanting to Lose Weight:

When traveling by plane, I no longer want to feel like I am an amoeba trying to perform phagocytosis on the person next to me. (For those of you who have forgotten grade 8 science class, here is the definition of phagocytosis: process in which phagocytes engulf and digest microorganisms and cellular debris.)

Alas, what to do!?! The thought of flying on my own is bloody intimidating. I truly, physically don't fit into my seat. It's not a matter of just being uncomfortable. Going to have to think on this one...

I'm Claiming the Whole Kit and Kaboodle

I have a little confession to make. I have a crush on Ben Kingsley. Don't get me wrong, I would take a heaping side of Johnny Depp anyday. But, I could polish Ben's head... sorry, I digress... wrong confession...


What I meant to say is... I actually did a few weeks of Weight Watchers before Christmas and lost 7.6 pounds during that time. What happened? No, it wasn't the "I'm going away on Xmas holidays and am taking a break from the program" scenario. In fact, I quit. I didn't quit me. I stayed active over Xmas, indulged fairly sparingly, etc. What I quit was Weight Watchers.

I was in my fourth week, working consistently, the weight was coming off, I was feeling good, etc. I stepped onto the scale and my leader (not the one I have now) noted my weight. She turned to me and said "Ok, let's talk about what's going wrong. You've gained 1.5 pounds this week. We need to figure out what you need to change." I stated that I wasn't worried. I had done what I had in the past couple of weeks (which lead to losses) and was actually really proud of what I had accomplished that week. I told her that my body knew what it was doing and that I was realistic.

She stared at me in disbelief. She just wouldn't stop with the drilling and excuses and I was gutted. Not gutted because I had gained weight (although that is never a good feeling), but because she had no trust in what I was saying to her. "Ok, what about BLTs (not tracking bites, licks and tastes)... not tracking points... not weighing and measuring... blah, blah, blah." I couldn't take her lack of patience,her unrealistic attitude, or her need to justify and I walked out, right there and then.

I am not here to line the pockets of the franchise owners. If Weight Watchers is not inspiring me or providing some kind of valuable service, why would I go? The meetings are $16 a week... money that can be better spent on a trainer, healthy organic food, a long phone call to a supportive friend, or a multitude of other things that can help me with my lifestyle changes. Was my previous leader trying to help? I'm sure that was her intention, however she either lacked the training to understand the natural ups and downs of weight loss, or she lacked the positivity and patience to handle these moments in herself and others.

When I arrived back from my Xmas holidays, I gave serious thought to what I needed. I realized that I liked the accountability of weighing myself regularly (although I would honestly prefer every 2 or 3 weeks) and that I valued the support of the other committed WW members. That was enough for me to try a different meeting and, lo and behold, I also found a leader who I can talk with.

Anyhoooo...If you are wondering why my stats have changed, I found my book from a few months ago and it lists my initial starting weight as 317.6. Now that I remember what my actual starting weight was, I'm claiming the whole kit and kaboodle. Here's my revamped stats:

Week Three Stats
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 39
Height: 5'6"
Starting Weight: 317.6lbs
Current Weight: 301.2lbs
Calories/day: 1600-1850 (32-37 points)
Calorie average this week: 1750 (34 points)
Exercise: 2 mile Leslie Sansone walking video x 2, 1 hour aquasize x 2, 1.5hr drumming class
Week 3: -3.6 lbs!!!
Total Lost: 16.4 lbs!!! (7.6 from before Xmas)

39 and Feelin' Fine

Today I am 39 and feelin' fine!!!

I am so grateful for all that I have experienced and so excited as I head into my 39th year. What a life! Having more energy, and being stronger and leaner will only allow me to get up to even more shenanigans and to contribute more to this wondrous world. Bring it on!!!

It occurred to me this morning, as I bounded up the stairs to wake the girls, that it is already difficult to remember just how slow and achey I was a month ago. My knees were really unhappy taking the stairs. If this is how I feel now, how will I feel in another month or two?!? It's such an exciting, inspiring thought!

I don't ever want to forget why I was so desperate to change my lifestyle. So... I've decided that every time my weight goes down, I am going to buy the equivalent weight in rice/lentils and keep the little baggies in a backpack. Every time I go to my weigh in, I'm going to walk into the meeting wearing my backpack. I will remind myself of what it felt like to carry the weight every moment of every day AND if I have a great week of activity and eating, but my body hasn't released any weight, my backpack will serve as a reminder of how far I have come and of the patience I need to show my body.

2...4...6...8...I Can Weight!!!

Week 3 Stats - Little Rat Bastard

Week Three Stats
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Age: 38
Height: 5'6"
Starting Weight: 310lbs
Current Weight: 301.2lbs
Calories/day: 1600-1850 (32-37 points)
Calorie average this week: 1750 (34 points)
Exercise: 2 mile Leslie Sansone walking video x 2, 1 hour aquasize x 2, 1.5hr drumming class
Week 3: -3.6 lbs!!!

Woot! Woot! Had a great week. My eating was slammin' and my booty was movin.' I feel great about successfully managing my 3 meals out at restaurants this week. The menu items I chose were scrumptious and I did a great job of figuring out my proportions. I've noticed a difference in how I'm sleeping and I'm feeling stronger and more flexible. It's amazing what a difference a few weeks can make! Four weeks ago I was feeling extremely suffocated by my body. I am so glad I didn't delay any longer and so grateful for how my body is responding.

That said... when I woke up yesterday morning, that Little Rat Bastard (L.R.B.) of a nagging voice started up right away... blabbing on about how it had been such a good week and how those scales better be down significantly. Now, I have tousled with this voice many times during my previous journeys with Weight Watchers. One thing I have certainly learned is that L.R.B. is never happy. If I don't lose weight, L.R.B. says "well, you might as well just have what you want because it doesn't work anyway." If I lose a little weight, L.R.B. says "at this rate, you'll be dead before you get the pounds off... just eat and enjoy yourself now." If I lose a lot of weight, L.R.B. says "you're losing too fast and you are going to end up looking like a sharpei, or your body will go into starvation mode and you'll stop losing weight...." BLAH BLAH BLAH.

What worked for me was that every time that L.R.B. voice came out, I took a breath and repeated the commitment I have made to myself...

I am practicing patience with my weight loss. Not patience disguised as lazy, passive waiting... I mean I am doing my job: persistent, daring, tenacious, brave, consistent effort to balance my eating and fitness AND I will live patiently, accepting my body's rhythm and rate of weight loss.

It took a lot of repeating, but by the time I got to the scale, I felt connected to all of the efforts I had made during the week. Did I hope that I would lose... sure! However, I felt one hundred percent confident that my weight would reduce over time. My body is not a performance seal putting on a show for the weekly Weight Watchers gathering. My body has already shown me in so many ways this week that I am doing what I need to do. The 3.6 was a happy bonus!

Healthy Eats in Edmonton

Good morning! It's a snowy, blowy Sunday morning in Edmonton. I had a gorgeous morning (thank you to the parents who hosted my girls at a birthday party sleepover last night!!!). I've just finished a two mile walk with my Leslie Sansone dvd from the library. I'm listening to Nina Simone singing Feeling Good, and the Muse version, too. I've got a bowl of my favourite winter brekkie next to me... large flake oats with a handful of blueberries, a generous pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg, and a lovely spoon of brown sugar on top (it is SO worth the time to cook slow oats!). Life is good and the endorphins are pumping, thanks to my ménage-à-trois with Leslie and my man this morning!

I've spent the past two weeks carefully weighing and measuring my foods at home so that I can be honest with myself about portion sizes. I've had some surprises, mostly with some of my favourites (go figure!). For example, my estimation of a cup of cherries came out to be a 3 point (approx 225 cal) serving, instead of a 1 point serving (approx 75 cal). Bummer! Anyway, feeling that I've got a pretty good handle on the portion sizes now, I enjoyed three of Edmonton's restaurants this week. All three were fabulous (two are favourites of mine and one new one was a big hit)... here's a replay for any of you who live in or visit Edmonton.

My man and I went on a fabulous date last night. It was his turn to choose the movie, so we saw The Book of Eli (violent, post-apocalyptic... pretty blah, but made bearable by the delectable presence of Mr Denzel Washington). More importantly, we tried out a restaurant we had heard about... the Wild Tangerine (10383 112 St, http://www.wildtangerine.com/old%20site/menu.html). I had the Pineapple Chicken Stir-Fry with Steamed Organic Wild Rice. No, silly, not that goopy, pineapple sauce crap that you find in food fairs... fresh slices of pineapple stir fried with green beans, red, orange and yellow peppers on top of wild rice. Deliciously fresh, appropriately portioned (what a miracle!), and healthy... no tell-tale oil slick left at the bottom of my plate.

The night before, we celebrated my sister-in-law's 40th birthday (actually, she just turned 39 but I put 40 on her cake to get it out of the way and make next year easier...hee hee) at Sweet Mango at 9120 82 Ave. I discovered this Vietnamese restaurant a couple of months ago and my family loves it. I go for a big bowl of steaming hot, healthy Pho (Vietnamese soup). I choose number 32, Pho with chicken breast pieces (comes beautifully cooked and skinless), squid and shrimp... I get them to leave out the squid and add a couple extra shrimp. It's a beautiful lemongrass broth (not salty) and is full of vermicelli noodles (too many for me, so I carefully eyeball 1 cups worth... I've practiced this at home against my scale and am pretty darn good at it). It comes with a side plate of fresh basil, bean sprouts and lemon that you can add in to your taste. I LOVE it! As for the cake I brought from the Bee Bell Bakery... I had a bite and skipped it. It was darn tasty, but creamy is a trigger for me and not worth it at the moment.

My last yum yum of the week comes from the Millcreek Cafe at 9562 82 Ave... the kind of place I would open, if I were in the biz. It's a casual, completely homemade joint where business folk can hang with Whyte Ave tattoo artists and families alike. They're best known for their baked goodies (especially cinnamon buns)... What I love 'em for is their two homemade soups each day, their couple of salads and their fresh sandwiches on their homemade oat and carrot bread. You can order half salads and half sandwiches, which is great for portion control. The roast turkey sandwich is my favourite... real roast turkey and I load it up with sprouts, lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers. My favourite salad is the spinach salad which is topped with fruits like strawberries and blackberries, a small handful of seasoned, roasted pecans (approx. 4 points worth) and a lovely mustard dressing (which I get on the side and portion appropriately). Scrummy!

Don't fear the food! I purposefully choose local, independent places where they take pride in their ingredients, work hard to make little adjustments that customers request, portion more appropriately, and have the expertise and passion to flavor food with herbs and spices... instead of fat and salt. If you have a favourite healthy Edmonton eatery, I'd love to hear about it!